apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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