We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
