I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
