I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
