You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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