I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
