I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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