I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
