the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
