Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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