why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
