he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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