Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
