you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
