I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
