Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
