I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
