Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
