please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
