I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
