That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
