I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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