I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
