honey bunches of taint.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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