Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
