Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
