So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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