Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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