Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
