i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
