Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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