I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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