Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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