All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
