I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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