we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
