Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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