Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
