sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
People in love make me want to vomit
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
