My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
