with your own penis?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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