I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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