I cannot find my penis.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
