I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
