RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
