I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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