If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
