when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
