hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
