how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
