The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
