I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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