You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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