My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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