i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
