Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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